There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
