is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
