She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
