Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
