I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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