why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
