Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
