My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
