i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
