My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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