A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
