I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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