"it" just moved
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
