Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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