This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
