The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
