I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
