If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
