There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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