and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
