I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
