i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
