"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
