So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
