Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
