if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
