I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
