I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
