I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
