Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
