i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
