I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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