we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
