do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
