...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
