it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
