It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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