wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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