His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
