oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
