found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
