like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
