omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
