she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love having hate sex.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
50% drunk capacity currently
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
BRING THE BAGELS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
