hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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