My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
