I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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