I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
