Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
