why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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